Services will be held later this week for a one, Nordic Track. Dear friend Nordic passed away peacefully on June 30, 2014. With his last dying “beep”, Nordic failed to turn his belt one last time. His owner, Mama K, immediately fell into a panic:
She became a maniac- plugging and unplugging the cord from the outlet, flipping on and flipping off the switch over and over and over again until it was too late. She sat in denial on the belt, wondering if there was anything else she could do. “No. No. No, no, NO!” She shouted and shook the machine as if to wake it up. It didn’t move, not one light blinked. She was too late…CURSE YOU ALMOST 12 YEAR OLD TREADMILL! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!
I’LL NEVER SURVIVE RUNNING IN THE BLAZING HEAT OF SUMMER OR THE FRIGID AIR OF WINTER WITHOUT YOU!
At an early age, Nordic was purchased during the Summer of 2003 and came to the home of proud runners-to-be, Ryan and Candice, just a few months before their first-born turned 1. Surviving Mr. Track are a few of his best friends – Kettlebells, Medicine Ball, Oscillating Fan, and Yoga Mat. Nordic’s last dying wishes were to be turned into a clothes drying rack. It would only be fair to respect those wishes.
– Mama K
Wait, wha- what?!?! It just didn’t turn on because I forgot to plug the safety key back in?! HE’S ALIVE! HE’S AAAAALLLIIIIVVVVVEEEE!