“NO! No you can’t. No.” Exasperated sigh, “Just….No.”
Top 10 Reasons Why I Run (SPOILER ALERT: they have nothing to do with health and fitness):
1. The Pushers. While it was a great attempt at being resourceful, I just couldn’t let them try to make a s’mores with a candle or do anything else with a candle and a match.
2. The Wallpaper Peeler. This guy taught me to never check my email after dinner in a different room.
3. The Teenage Girl Child. Here’s a recent love note I left on her door. It was not a good morning.
4. The Lonlies. I would rather attempt a sub 20 minute 5K than endure the torture of matching socks for twice as long and still wind up with a basket full of singles.
5. The Almond Dumper. At least half a bag of those expensive little…. nuts. That’ll teach me to never brush my teeth in a different room before hitting the road.
6. The Chef. I love that my daughter has a passion for cooking and baking. And I LOVE bacon, but enough is enough. Everything she prepares is made with bacon or “bacon drippings”. In this case, the “gravy” was made with said drippings. I call B.S. That gravy was all bacon grease (bacon grease that was solidifying as it sat on the table waiting for us to serve ourselves) and I had to eat it because I love her and I want to nurture her interests and let her explore. But seriously, my hair smells like bacon, my clothes smell like bacon, my insides are slip sliding all over on bacon grease and it’s gotta stop.
*She just walked in and saw this picture and said “Ew, what is that, mom?”
“Ummm, that’s your gravy… with fresh Rosemary…”
“You have to admit that was good, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry, mom. That looks gross.”
7. The Mostly Naked Storyteller. I love hearing all about a good time, but at some point listening to to one more story about the “Hemlock Maneuver” that was practiced for First Aid Night at Boy Scouts has me racing to the treadmill. The talking. never. stops.
8. The Reverse Plumber. At least I caught it. I don’t know how I knew this little lotion was in there, but this could’ve been so much worse.
9. The Chef…again…the mashed potatoes also had bacon. Along with a lot of butter. I think this is how the thought process went in her mind tonight. Can’t make s’mores over that fire? Meh. Should I clean up all of the potato skins? Nah. Should I care that I opened up a whole can to use just 1 ounce of chicken broth for “gravy”? Wait, mom didn’t get any ice cream at the grocery store last night…. *taps chin* No problem. I’ll just caramelize some sugar in a pot, make everything real sticky, and pour it all over some popcorn. Then I’ll leave it all. Forever.
10. The recharge. All it takes is 20 minutes and I’m able to handle all that life throws my way….for the next 2 hours at least. Sigh.
Breathe in. Breath out.