And here is your warning- I am writing this post not knowing what the ending of it will be. I don’t know if it will be a disjointed bunch of noise that has no meaning (kind of like what my kids hear when I talk). I don’t know if it will end up being a bunch of whining, foot stomping, and self pity that will leave you feeling like you want to slap me right upside my pointy little head. I don’t know if it will be a brain dump that leaves me feeling much better but leaves you scratching your head saying, “well, that’s three minutes of my life that I will never get back”. In any case- I made a resolution with Mama K that we would post more often in 2016. And I never want to disappoint Mama K. So buckle up friends, here we go.
About a month ago I had some pain in my upper back that was very pesky and would not go away Then, as I was decorating for Christmas my arm stopped working- if I put any weight on it it would just collapse. Noting to myself that I probably shouldn’t ignore this, for the first time in my life I went to see a chiropractor. After just one visit I was feeling better and had strength back in my arm (thank you so much Dr. Karen!!) I left the visit feeling like Wonder Woman and believe I even said something to Mama K like, “I am invincible, incredible and all knowing. They thought it would take 6 weeks for me to get better- they obviously don’t know who they are dealing with. I reign supreme.” My arm was not back to 100% but I didn’t miss one run or one cross fit class. My “lucky fin” as we lovingly call my arm still performed pretty darn well.
Fast forward two weeks- I get a similar kind of pain in my lower back right before Christmas. I stretch, I ice, I continue to see the doctor, and I pretend that it is not a big deal. And it doesn’t get better. I convince myself to do no exercise for 5 days in hopes that rest will do me right. And it gets worse. So I sign up for the New Years Eve cross fit class fully convinced that I can work through this and it will be just fine. I wake up that morning feeling pretty bad- undeterred I text Mama K that I am going to go for a run before class to loosen up.. I park at the gym , grab my Wonder Woman cape (figuratively of course) and head out. The first two steps tell me that something is WRONG. My right leg gives out and feels like a noodle. I am determined to “run it out” and continue on for a few miles until I can barely stand up and feel like my leg is no longer there. I admit defeat and have a breakdown in my car where I blow my nose in my proverbial cape and throw it unceremoniously in the back of my car as I think, “I won’t be needing this anymore”. Sigh.
A few tests, a few weeks, and a few doctors appointments later- I am feeling a little better. Now, I am sure you are at the point where you want to yell, “GET OVER YOURSELF! YOU HAVE A LITTLE BOO-BOO! TAKE A BREAK. NO BIG DEAL. LIFE GOES ON!” But I must admit, it has been difficult for me to deal with this unwelcomed break. I have a constant battle raging in my head- “this is temporary. You will be fine.. Stop whining”. To which my emotional and less logical side responds, “yeah, but I was having fun. I felt great. And I simply don’t want anything to change. They are all out there blazing trails without me”. I am struggling because I can’t do what I want to do and what I can do, I can’t do it well. When I read Mama K’s post from yesterday I didn’t get the warm fuzzy feeling and big smile I always get when I read about my fellow Mamas’ escapades. I got- plain and simple- sad.
Well, sadness sucks as does self pity so I decided that this morning I was going to end this nonsense and run. So I did. And it was hard. It was not painful (thank goodness) but it was tough. I felt like my right leg had 100 lbs strapped to it and that I was running through quick sand. It was a shit show. But when I finished after only 2 miles, I felt…happy. Surprisingly joyful. I had to work so hard to complete those miles and I was sweating like I just ran a marathon in 90 degree temps. But Today’s run made me realize that everyday, every step on every run needs to be celebrated. I had definitely been taking that fact for granted for a long time.
Wow, so this is where we ended up! Is there a conclusion we can draw from this? I think there is and it happens to be one I seem to end with often: grab your best friend and get out and run, swim, bike, walk, cross fit, dance, Zumba, or do whatever you want to do to move your beautiful body. Be mindful of just how special you and your body are. And of course, do it happily.